Lingua

A Russian friend would periodically make the case that his native language is more expressive than English and, I have to admit, when he rolled out his examples, I was impressed. They were masterpieces of concision and wit.

But in my heart of hearts I knew my mother tongue was pretty damn good—precise when it needs to be, vague when clarity is uncalled for, and funny in percussive, sonically economical ways.

For instance, a recent article at the wonderful site World Wide Words is devoted to the phrase: “… couldn’t organize a two-car funeral” (i.e., is hopelessly incompetent). The key element is, of course, the final triad: two-car funeral. What makes it great? Among other things, it’s the rhythm: DA DA DA-duh-duh—three punchy stresses before the phrase tails off in disgust. Then there’s the use of percussives often associated with foul language—k’s and f’s, in particular. The idea that a funeral revolves around cars (and the number of them) strikes me as peculiarly American.

For some reason, we seem to have a lot of expressions for incompetence: “doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground” (or “… from his elbow”), “couldn’t find his ass in the dark” (or “… with both hands,” or—drumroll, please— “… in the dark with both hands”). I’m sure there are many others that don’t involve the ass, or arse, as the Brits would say—I just can’t think of them offhand.*

Speaking of trans-Atlantic variations, the proprietor of World Wide Words, Michael Quinion, concludes his analysis of “two-car funeral” by supplying the British version, which he says is more forceful: “… couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery.” Americans always have to remind themselves that when Brits say “piss,” they don’t mean “pee.” Pissed is drunk, as in the Monty Python classic, “The Bruces’ Philosophers Song” :

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he’s pissed.

Oh, and bugger means something else over there as well. Two countries divided by a common language indeed.
__________
* “… has his head up his ass”—wait, that has ass in it. Hmm. This is harder than I thought. Reminds me of the episode of Fawlty Towers where the irate American tourist advises Basil, who is supposedly having problems with his chef, to go into the kitchen and “lay it on the line—tell him you’ll bust his ass!” It’s not the first time the American used the term, which leads Basil to observe under his breath: “Everything’s bottoms with you people.”

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Patria

My fellow Americans:

Bush with flag lapel pinIf you really love your country, you wear a flag lapel pin, just like our President does. If you don’t wear one … well, we can draw our own conclusion.

Question of the day: Can you name one other president, prime minister, dictator, or king who routinely wears the flag of his country?

P.S. (minutes later): If I had any brains, I’d have backdated this to the 14th.

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Control

Somewhere in America recently, there was a conference on international strategy. After presentations by three scholars, the floor was opened to questions from the audience. After ten or so, this:

“My question to the panel is, What is the path to success in Iraq?”

There was a damburst of laughter in the audience …

The questioner was a Navy Commander from Syracuse, and the question was being asked at the Naval War College in Newport, Rhode Island. A “damburst of laughter”—remarkable.

After the guffaws subsided, the panel (which included John Mearsheimer and Stephen Walt) offered their opinions, which amounted to this: there is no path to success in Iraq. Mearsheimer was the last to respond and concluded with a literary comparison:

I remember once in English class we read Albert Camus’s book The Plague. I didn’t know what The Plague was about or why we were reading it. But afterwards the instructor explained to us that The Plague was being read because of the Vietnam War. What Camus was saying in The Plague was that the plague came and went of its own accord. All sorts of minions ran around trying to deal with the plague, and they operated under the illusion that they could affect the plague one way or another. But the plague operated on its own schedule. That is what we were told was going on in Vietnam. Every time I look at the situation in Iraq today, I think of Vietnam, and I think of The Plague, and I just don’t think there’s very much we can do at this point. It is just out of our hands. There are forces that we don’t have control over that are at play, and will determine the outcome of this one. I understand that’s very hard for Americans to understand, because Americans believe that they can shape the world in their interests.

But I learned during the Vietnam years when I was a kid at West Point, that there are some things in the world that you just don’t control, and I think that’s where we’re at in Iraq. [link added]

At that point, according to Philip Weiss (to whom we owe this account), “[t]he panel was over. For a moment or two there was stunned silence, and then applause—at once polite, sustained and thunderous.”

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InstaPudhead

Why I don’t read InstaPundit. (I know you’ve been dying to know.)

I don’t bother with Mickey Kaus either. That guy’s always on the verge of making sense, but never really does.

Wait a minute—if I start listing all the people I don’t read because of the low return on my investment of time …

Waste of time. Mille pardons for this one.

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Smile

One of these men is leaving Iraq in a matter of minutes. Can you tell which one?

Bush and al-Maliki

Photo credit: AP

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Blockage

If you like M.C. Escher (and, really, who doesn’t?), you may or may not like the Lego version.

And here’s a link to works by Rob Gonsalves. Some people invoke Escher when describing his stuff; some call it kitsch. What say you?

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Clarity

In his review of Cobra II, Andrew Bacevich encapsulates the inherent contradiction of the Iraq invasion as concisely as I’ve seen anywhere:

Rumsfeld’s grand plan to transform the US military was at odds with the administration’s grand plans to transform the broader Middle East. Imperial projects don’t prosper with small armies that leave quickly: they require large armies that stay.

For the succinctness to work, one needs a rudimentary understanding of the “grand plans” alluded to. The review provides that, if it is lacking.

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Irony

The US has killed Zarqawi. What does it mean? From the Independent:

US forces in Iraq said the killing was a major victory.

“We killed him, and it’s always great when you can remove someone that has caused this much harm,” said Maj. Frank Garcia, public affairs officer for the 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division. “We’re one step closer to providing stability to the region.”

Or maybe not that major and not that much closer—from the Guardian:

“Whether it makes much difference to the overall level of violence is dubious, because he was responsible only for a small amount of the terrorist attacks,” Lord Garden, a former assistant chief of defence staff, said.

Returning to the story in the Independent, we find that a student in Baghdad is hopeful …

Thamir Abdulhussein, a college student in Baghdad, said he hopes the killing of al-Zarqawi will promote reconciliation between Iraq’s fractured ethnic and sectarian groups.

“If it’s true al-Zarqawi was killed, that will be a big happiness for all the Iraqis,” he said. “He was behind all the killings of Sunni and Shiites. Iraqis should now move toward reconciliation. They should stop the violence.”

… while an older resident of the capital says Zarqawi’s death means little:

Amir Muhammed Ali, a 45-year-old stockbroker in Baghdad, was skeptical that al-Zarqawi’s death would end the unrelenting violence in the country, saying he was a foreigner but the Iraqi resistance to US-led forces would likely continue.

“He didn’t represent the resistance, someone will replace him and the operations will go on,” he said.

As one commentator put it: “The hydra loses a head.”

The notion that history is playing one of its awful, bloody, pointless pranks can hardly be avoided—again, from the Guardian:

Experts said intelligence about Zarqawi’s movements had improved over the past year as frictions between foreign fighters and domestic militants grew.

Rosemary Hollis, the director of research at Chatham House, said Iraqi militants were becoming fed up with Zarqawi and foreign insurgents operating in their country.

“They were increasingly against Zarqawi because he set Arabs against Arabs. He was both fanatical and a foreigner,” she said. “Iraqis believe he was a pursuing a case against their own and perhaps, in the fullness of time, would have dealt with him.”

Somewhere in Iraq another hydra head smirks and says: “Thanks, Uncle Sam! I couldn’t have done it better myself.”

Update 2006.06.09: Patrick Cockburn on how Zarqawi was, in effect, a US creation and the purposes he served as such:

Zarqawi owed his rise to the US in two ways. His name was unknown until he was denounced on 5 February 2003 by Colin Powell, who was the US Secretary of State, before the UN Security Council as the link between Saddam Hussein and al-Qa’ida. There turned out to be no evidence for this connection and Zarqawi did not at this time belong to al-Qa’ida. But Mr Powell’s denunciation made him a symbol of resistance to the US across the Muslim world. It also fitted with Washington’s political agenda that attacking Iraq was part of the war on terror.

The invasion gave Zarqawi a further boost. Within months of the overthrow of Saddam Hussein the whole five-million-strong Sunni Arab community in Iraq appeared united in opposition to the occupation. …

The next critical moment in Zarqawi’s career was the capture of Saddam Hussein on 15 December 2003. Previously US military and civilian spokesmen had blamed everything on the former Iraqi leader.

No sooner was Saddam captured than the US spokesmen began to mention Zarqawi’s name in every sentence. “If the weather is bad they will blame it on Zarqawi,” an Iraqi journalist once said to me. It emerged earlier this year that the US emphasis on Zarqawi as the prime leader of the Iraqi resistance was part of a carefully calculated propaganda programme. A dubious letter from Zarqawi was conveniently discovered. One internal briefing document quoted by The Washington Post records Brigadier General Kimmitt, the chief US military spokesman at the time, as saying: “The Zarqawi psy-op programme is the most successful information campaign to date.” The US campaign was largely geared towards the American public and above all the American voter. It was geared to proving that the invasion of Iraq was a reasonable response to the 9/11 attacks. This meant it was necessary to show al-Qa’ida was strong in Iraq and play down the fact that this had only happened after the invasion.

Two years ago, Fred Kaplan was shocked at how the administration found Zarqawi useful:

Apparently, Bush had three opportunities, long before the war, to destroy a terrorist camp in northern Iraq run by Abu Musab Zarqawi, the al-Qaida associate who recently cut off the head of Nicholas Berg. But the White House decided not to carry out the attack because, as the [NBC News] story puts it:

“[T]he administration feared [that] destroying the terrorist camp in Iraq could undercut its case for war against Saddam.”

The implications of this are more shocking, in their way, than the news from Abu Ghraib. Bush promoted the invasion of Iraq as a vital battle in the war on terrorism, a continuation of our response to 9/11. Here was a chance to wipe out a high-ranking terrorist. And Bush didn’t take advantage of it because doing so might also wipe out a rationale for invasion.

The question is: who will be the next object of our Two Minutes Hate?

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Neighbors

Memorable lines come flying unbidden …

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun;
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.

Writing at Slate, Shmuel Rosner shares some thoughts about the proposed fence along the US–Mexican border drawing on the Israeli experience with their own 400-mile wall. He properly focuses not on the technology but on the human relations:

When Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano declares, “You show me a 50-foot wall, and I’ll show you a 51-foot ladder at the border,” the answer is fairly straightforward: You show me a 51-foot ladder, and I’ll show you a guardsman standing on the other side of the wall waiting to arrest the person using it. The fence is not the only thing keeping people from entering. The fence has just two objectives: slowing the intruders and making them visible to members of the border patrol. The rest of the work is done by human beings.

And generally speaking, this is the biggest lesson. It’s not the fence, stupid—it is the decisions that the planners make. How tough are you willing to be with illegals? How much money do you want to spend? How important is it to maintain good relations with the towns on the Mexican side of the border? How sympathetic are you to would-be border crossers’ needs and desires?

The more you answer these questions the Israeli way, the more unbeatable your fence will be. But don’t forget: Years of terror attacks hardened Israelis’ hearts toward their neighbors (just as years of occupation hardened Palestinians’ hearts toward Israelis). This brought them to a point where they were ready to do whatever it took to make the bloodshed stop. So, here’s an easy way to figure out if an American fence will work: Measure the anger and despair. Has it grown big enough to make that same commitment?

Back to our friend Bob Frost:

Oh, just another kind of outdoor game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, “Good fences make good neighbors.”

Soon the talk passes from trees to cows, and then to elves—things that perambulate and might justify a wall. But still—Bob was being ironic. Wasn’t he? Are Canadians bad neighbors?

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Rogues

A couple of months ago, we asked (and tried to answer) a few questions about Russian music download services—specifically: are they legit? Yesterday the International Herald Tribune addressed the same issue, again in the context of Russia’s attempt to join the World Trade Organization.

Operating through what music industry lobbyists say is a loophole in Russia’s copyright law, AllofMP3 offers a vast catalogue of music that includes artists not normally authorized for sale online—like the Beatles and Metallica—at a small fraction the cost of services like Apple Computer’s iTunes Music Store.

Sold by the megabyte instead of by the song, an album of 10 songs or so on AllofMP3 can cost the equivalent of less than $1, compared with 99 cents per song on iTunes.

And unlike iTunes and other commercial services, songs purchased with AllofMP3’s downloading software have no restrictions on copying.

It is an offer that may seem too good to be true, but in Russia—a country that is frequently cited by media and content owners as rife with digital piracy and theft of intellectual property—courts have so far allowed the site to operate, despite efforts by the record labels Warner, Universal and EMI to aid prosecutors there.

Apparently the Russian “collecting society,” ROMS (Российское общество по коллективному управлению правами авторов и иных правообладателей в сферах мультимедиа, цифровых сетей и визуальных искусств РОМС), doesn’t do a particularly good job of passing along a portion of the money it legally (according to current Russian law) collects from its customers to the artists and record companies it represents (whether they like it or not).

AllofMP3.com has hardly put a dent in Apple’s music download business, despite the occasional free publicity from stories in the Wall Street Journal and New York Times (via its sister paper IHT). Will this relatively small but highly visible irritant be enough to dash Russia’s hopes for entry into the WTO? Or will ROMS, AllofMP3.com, etc., make the necessary adjustments to satisfy the entertainment industry? Stay iTuned.

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