Zinger

Joe Conason is not only a well-informed and savvy guy, he’s also a stylish writer who can be wickedly funny at times. Along with the rest of the world, he wrote about Karl Rove’s “retirement.” (If you think that conniving SOB is leaving politics for good, I’ve got a surge I’d like to sell you.) In the course of his dissection, Joe recalls the memorable speech Rove gave to one of his red-meat audiences:

Emboldened by the electoral triumphs of 2002 and 2004, Mr. Rove grew still more aggressive and vituperative. In June 2005, while addressing the New York Conservative Party’s annual dinner, he fabricated a fraudulent narrative of the war to justify his divisive strategies. With savage sarcasm, he described how conservatives supposedly differ from liberals on the issue of national security:

“Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers. In the wake of 9/11, conservatives believed it was time to unleash the might and power of the United States military against the Taliban; in the wake of 9/11, liberals believed it was time to … submit a petition. …

“Conservatives saw what happened to us on 9/11 and said: We will defeat our enemies. Liberals saw what happened to us and said: We must understand our enemies.

“It was a moment to summon our national will,” he thundered, “and to brandish steel.”

The only steel Mr. Rove ever brandished was a fork, but that didn’t slow him down. Of course he knew that no Democrat or liberal had urged therapy and understanding for the hijackers. He knew that liberals and Democrats had stood squarely behind President Bush to extirpate the Taliban and destroy Al Qaeda. (Their only disappointment is that the Bush administration has prosecuted this war so ineptly, while sinking our military into the Iraqi quicksand.)

The only steel Mr. Rove ever brandished was a fork.” A perfect encapsulation of Rove (and his boss (and his boss’s boss—i.e., Cheney)).

I must object, however, to Joe’s apparent acceptance of the typically Rovian false choice of “defeating” the enemy or “understanding” the enemy. One would think the latter would be a prerequisite for the former. Then again, Jesus instructed us to love our enemies. No choice at all—how about that! I guess when George W. Bush gets his daily dose of advice from his Father (the one in Heaven, not the one in Houston), the last thing he hears is: “… And pay no attention to my lunatic Son. Love, schmove. Stick a fork in their eye!”

Meanwhile, the venerable Juan Cole had a bit of mordant fun with Rove, Wikipedia, and that beloved digital time saver, Search-and-Replace.

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Assume

Happy Feast of the Assumption! We all make ’em, so let’s celebrate ’em (even if they sometimes make an ass of you and me).

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Blackguard

Since November 21, 2006, I have unknowingly borne the epithet (above) bestowed on me by the recently cited Thomas Nephew. And maybe I’ll be able to retain it even after I succumb to his initially polite but soon more importunate request that I share with the world five examples of how weird I am.

I was amused by the assumption involved, until I realized it was more likely a conclusion, since he actually knows me. But “five examples”? Had I displayed that much weirdness? Or is it, in fact, an assumption about everyone—that they are at least that weird, fivefold weird, every man jack of them? What to do, what to think …

Naturally I parried, but Thomas stuck me good. Then I forgot about the whole thing.

Until today, when I saw something in the restricted area of the Basement, where the dials and knobs are, and levers marked “Humor Level” and buttons labeled “LAUNCH” and “DELETE”: a link to a link on Thomas’s site that links to mine. Yes, I got dizzy. And as a result, I typed up five things.

Now, I still think this particular edition of “blog tag” will be less enlightening than some others I’ve seen. Does a weirdo ever think he’s weird (really)? Or take so-called normal people: do they know they’re doing something weird? Right—they do when someone tells them it’s weird. But do they end up agreeing it’s weird, or do they just think the other person is the weird one?

Who’s to say what’s weird, anyway? Haven’t you ever said, “Boy, that’s weird!” and had others respond in unison: “No, it isn’t!” You haven’t? Boy, that’s weird.

Weirdness is clearly in the eye of the beholder. (In fact, the word weird looks weirder and weirder the more you look at it.) The list I produce will almost certainly not be the list my family would draw up, or my coworkers, or my friends, or that person at the Safeway today who was looking at me funny.

But enough temporizing. Herewith, Five (random) Examples of How Weird I (possibly) Am (you be the judge):

  1. I refuse to drink cheap beer, but will cheerfully drink cheap wine.
  2. I never wear sunglasses. (Well, almost never. Very, very, very, very rarely.)
  3. Every single T-shirt I have owned for the last 30 years has been given to me. (Not counting softball jerseys.) I think the last T-shirt I bought was from the Armadillo World Headquarters in Austin, Texas.
  4. I have not gotten rid of my LPs (hundreds of them, many of them duplicated on CDs I own [some triplicated as mp3 files]).
  5. I cut my own hair.

There! That was fun.

Behold the haggard blackguard,
Of bleary mien and weirdly green,
Lost at sea, tempest-toss’d,
Leaning o’er the watery deep,
Perhaps to sleep—his final nap,
Or maybe … maybe just to …
You know … toss his toast …

Now that’s weird!

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Impeachment

I’m for it. (Just thought I’d get that out there.) Actually, impeachment × 2.

I’m not alone, of course. I’ve resisted the urge to talk about it, though, because I felt it was a dead issue. In a chat with Thomas Nephew the other evening, I mentioned that I didn’t see impeachment going anywhere until a good number of Republicans get behind it—most likely in a late, desperate attempt to save their party, not out of any deep concern for the republic and the rule of law. He correctly pointed out that this would merely be a requirement for successful prosecution (i.e., conviction by the Senate). Pressing for impeachment proceedings, even if they fail to remove Cheney and Bush from office, remains the appropriate response of anyone who seeks to reverse the systematic, illegal aggrandizement of the executive branch, marginalization of the legislature, suspension of basic rights and legal protections of ordinary citizens—that is to say, the wholesale subversion of the Constitution.

In addition to Thomas’s coverage of the issue and his valuable ruminations, take a look at the Bill Moyers conversation with Reaganaut Bruce Fein and Nationite John Nichols, who have found common ground in calling for the impeachment of one (Fein) or both (Nichols) of the dangerous rogues at the head of our government.

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BZ

What keeps a guy off his blog? Well, these kind of things:

  1. Launching a redesigned website at his day job. The really fun part is cleaning up afterwards. It’s not just that things don’t always work as planned. It’s the old links. Once you let a link loose in the world, it takes on a life of its own. Thankfully there’s a neato utility called ISAPI_Rewrite for us saps using IIS that allows us to capture invalid incoming links and convert them on the fly to perfectly good new ones, with users none the wiser and not discomfited in the least. (Apache admins just use mod_Rewrite—or so I hear.)
  2. Applying for a job … while launching a redesigned website. As the latter took precedence, the former may have suffered. Oh, let’s be honest: it suffered. In the event, the prospective job seemed less attractive after the second interview, so it was probably all for the best. But it would have been nice if I had spent more time reviewing my own résumé—that question about the “web policies” I’ve created and enforced really did have a good answer, I swear.
  3. Driving up to Boston for our kid’s graduation from college. Visited Walden again—this time watching intrepid, or slightly insane, locals in wetsuits swimming the length of the pond at full tilt, and others doing likewise but at a leisurely pace with many pauses for sky-facing flotation. (According to Thoreau, the pond is 0.55 mi long and 102 ft deep at its deepest point. That’s a long way down if you get a cramp!) Also kids wading in the lifeguarded part and small groups, or couples, or loners sitting in the many small alcoves, on the stone slabs leading to the water, some reading, some writing, some drying off after a dip. Quite a contrast with our October visit.
  4. Let’s leave out all the petty but compelling details of modern life, like a car that won’t start (or, more precisely, will start but won’t stay started), or neighborhood yardsales-cum-potlucks, or concerted efforts to divest ourselves of stuff on eBay …

Now, these would sound like excuses, and probably lame ones, if I had actually committed myself to entertaining you. But I haven’t, so it’s just an explanation, that’s all, and an excuse for me to stretch my fingers.

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CDB

The bees are dying: one quarter of the US commercial colonies collapsed last year, and news accounts indicate that Europe has the same problem.

Initial speculation centered on cell phones—supposedly the radiation is at just the right frequency to disrupt the bees’ navigation. That hypothesis seems to have few adherents now. So what is it? Pesticides? Genetically modified crops? Climate change (or just the vicissitudes of weather)?

While the experts try to figure this out, try to find the busy bee in the strange flower:

A bee

You may need to look at the big version.

[C D B by way of William Steig]

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Watched

Who said it?

I’m struggling with seeing the deployment of cameras in our local villages as being a benefit to policing. If it’s in our villages—are we really moving towards an Orwellian situation with cameras on every street corner? I really don’t think that’s the kind of country that I want to live in.

If it weren’t for his use of the term villages,* you might think it’s some “card-carrying member of the ACLU.” No, the speaker is Ian Readhead, the Deputy Chief Constable of Hampshire—the original, not the New one. He’s also the chairman of the Association of Chief Police Officers’ data protection group. In other words, he’s a cop, and he’s worried about the surveillance society being created in Great Britain.

According to the Wall Street Journal, there are at least 500,000 surveillance cameras in London, and the paper cited a study saying that “in a single day a person could expect to be filmed 300 times.”

Video surveillance in public places has not reached this level in the United States (as far as we know**) and its effectiveness has been convincingly disputed. Yet despite the obvious potential for mischief and misuse, there is no shortage of politicians and government officials pushing surveillance of law-abiding citizens as a tool in the so-called global war on terror.

We need more Ian Readheads.
__________
*I don’t think we have “villages” in the United States anymore, do we? I mean, if we do (if it’s part of a municipality’s official name— “The Village of Lombard,” or some such), we don’t actually call them villages—at least I don’t. We call them towns. A “village” in 21st century America is more likely to be a shopping experience, I’m sorry to say.
**Are there really only 15 surveillance cameras in public places in the District of Columbia? (Those would belong to the DC Metropolitan Police. We have a few other law enforcement agencies operating here, to put it mildly.)

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Intruder

An intruder

And now—you be the photo editor (click to enlarge):

An intruder - bird's eye view An intruder - another view An intruder - yet another view

Yes, it’s pathetic. I take pictures of a dandelion instead of commenting on Virginia Tech, Alberto Gonzales, or Iraq. So it goes. Adios, KV.

Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — “God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.” (God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater)

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KV:RIP

Three weeks after I mention him here in the Basement, Kurt Vonnegut dies. I don’t think there’s a correlation. I mentioned Gore Vidal a while back, and he’s still kicking.

From the New York Times obit:

To Mr. Vonnegut, the only possible redemption for the madness and apparent meaninglessness of existence was human kindness. The title character in his 1965 novel, “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater,” summed up his philosophy:

“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.'”

Which reminds me—I miss Molly Ivins.

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Strel

It should become a new verb: to strel something. To achieve through sheer force of will and bullheaded determination. You know, to do it the Slovenian way. Just throw your body at it.* It may be an act of the purest idealism, but you must take pleasure in the horrendous work involved; not masochism—rather, a sort of spiritual pleasure in the physical stress of wrestling with gargantuan forces, all the while fully conscious and loving your “opponent,” which is not an opponent at all but a part of you.

Martin Strel, the man behind the verb, completed his swim down the length of the Amazon. He wasn’t in the best shape by the time he arrived at Belem, but not only had he achieved what he set out to do, he’s thinking of his next big swim.

Here’s an excerpt from the last installment of Martin’s weekly diary posted at BBC News:

I feel like a kid when dreams come true. I am very happy. I think I haven’t quite got into my head what I have achieved.

My swim is done, 5268km in 66 days, but today I am swimming to the city of Belem where there will be a big reception.

I think the Amazon took me, allowed me to be part of it, the river accepted me, protected me and allowed me to swim it, and now I am at the end and I am still alive.

Many times I talked to myself and to the river. I said: “I am a good man with a good intention. I’ve been talking with the Amazon river for 66 days now. The animals have been swimming with me for weeks, I think Nature allowed me to do this.”

People still ask me, why I did this.

I am a regular man, a regular common guy who just has higher goals than usual. I want to show everybody around the world that if you set a goal that is a little bit unusual or higher, you have to try to achieve it. If you keep working and don’t quit right away, you will come to the end. This could be whatever. I chose to swim the Amazon.

I also want to promote a message of clean rivers, clean water and friendship, because these rivers and water have to stay clean, otherwise the world will collapse. The Amazon river is still very clean, local people use it as a natural resource and I think the Amazon should stay clean forever.

I have seen some deforestation, but it is not going to be good if we keep expanding the limit. I want to pass this message to everybody: “Do not look only for business and for money when you come closer to nature.”

One of my missions is to protect the rainforest.

Physically, I have sores and pains in my whole body. I still have problems with my head, it feels like a bomb about to explode, I do not have a temperature but if feels like there is a big pressure—like fire in my head—I need to cool down a little bit.

Pain has been part of my daily progress for the last couple of weeks. But I do not complain about it—it has just been part of my life.

My arms and legs feel as if I am carrying a big iron bar, they feel very heavy. I have problems eating, to move a spoon or fork, or to drink, I have problems to dress.

I was also tired at the end of other swims, but here on the Amazon the pain has lasted much longer.

__________

*[Appended years later—Ed.] Now, before any Slovenian out there, their dander up and in high lather, fires off a comment and tells me to go to hell in a hand basket: “Slovenians are the most rational, even-keeled, clever, at times even wily, people on God’s green earth,” I will, of course, agree in advance. “And hard-working!” Granted. “But not stupid or obsessed, like this guy might be.” Yes and yes. But I think there’s a little crazy streak in a lot of us Slovenians. Like this guy. Still don’t agree? That’s okay.

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